All posts tagged: gym

Things Runners Say and All the Things Non-Runners Really Want To Say In Return

Runner: The first 20 minutes is the hardest. Non-Runner: Oh? And after that it’s just ice-cream on a hot day, is it? Just jingle bells and wrapping paper, right? Just napping on a beach and hamburgers, right? Right. Runner: Running is my me-time. I can get away from everything and just think. Non-Runner: Why can’t you do that alone in your room? Also, do you do every other activity with other people? Do you take a poo with other people? Why can’t pooing be your me-time? Runner: Nothing beats that runner’s high. Non-Runner: I don’t know, I imagine heroin gives it a run for its money. Haha. Did you see what I did there? It was a pun. A running pun. A runpun. Wow, did your endorphins also steal away your sense of humor. Runner: My hamstrings feel a little tight because I went for a PB on my 10k route this morning. Non-Runner: I know what all those words mean individually, and I can guess at what they mean put together, but honestly I …

The Anti-Hot Men Ladies Auxiliary

I’m an innocent, God-fearing woman. I pray regularly, and give a fair amount of money to charity. I don’t bitch about people who don’t deserve it, I am very nice to all non-demonic animals (so, excluding cats, snakes, rodents and cows) and I always help old people carry their stuff. What I’m trying to say is I do not deserve to be put through the unnecessary and inappropriate visual stimulation offered by the sweaty hot men at my gym. Who do they think they are anyway? Strutting around with their biceps and quadriceps and..and..forceps or whatever, grunting and glistening. Right in my face like I’m supposed to just ignore it. Like I’m supposed to just sit there and take it. Obviously, it’s an invitation. You don’t come to a gym looking like that and exercising like that and not expect something- I know the rules of this game. I’m just supposed to concentrate on getting my ab workout done, am I,  when you’re doing your 99th pull up behind me and I can see every …