All posts tagged: annoyingpeople

How To Be A Person: A Non-Exhaustive List of How To Not Be That Person.

“Now, you did good today, I’m just saying that there’s a way to be a person.” – Leo McGarry, The West Wing S1E22 1. No one ever wants to hear about your dreams. 2. Only gossip about people you genuinely do not like for real reasons. So, don’t gossip about nice people you are simply jealous of because you will eventually feel like shit. But actual dicks are fair game. Have at them. 3. Tip, always. 4. Use your inside voice, no matter how cross you are. Find within yourself a terrifyingly stern voice of medium volume and employ it at will. Consider also incorporating the whispered horror of Hannibal Lecter. This will always be scarier and more effective than shouting. 5. Drive like someone you loved very much died in a car accident. It may seem morbid, but it’s a lot of people’s actual truth, and every time you suddenly change lanes without indicating, or speed like an idiot, they are looking at you and wishing you had died instead. You don’t need that …

Boarding Pass Revolt: A Guide.

News reports have confirmed that there is no security reason for you to show your boarding pass at airport shops, and the only reason you’re compelled to do so is endless corporate greed.* The word is out, and the revolt has begun. As a person who has had her dignity stripped from her in the WH Smith at Heathrow T5, I am enraged. I doubt I am alone. Accordingly, I thought I’d compile a helpful list of things to do when asked to present your boarding pass to make sure you end up on the right side of history. Wave it in the air like a flag and say “The day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends, and show our boarding pass to enable Boots make a larger profit. But it is not this day! This day, I fight!” Hide it somewhere on your person and challenge the cashier to find it. “Is that a boarding pass in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you?” …

Things Runners Say and All the Things Non-Runners Really Want To Say In Return

Runner: The first 20 minutes is the hardest. Non-Runner: Oh? And after that it’s just ice-cream on a hot day, is it? Just jingle bells and wrapping paper, right? Just napping on a beach and hamburgers, right? Right. Runner: Running is my me-time. I can get away from everything and just think. Non-Runner: Why can’t you do that alone in your room? Also, do you do every other activity with other people? Do you take a poo with other people? Why can’t pooing be your me-time? Runner: Nothing beats that runner’s high. Non-Runner: I don’t know, I imagine heroin gives it a run for its money. Haha. Did you see what I did there? It was a pun. A running pun. A runpun. Wow, did your endorphins also steal away your sense of humor. Runner: My hamstrings feel a little tight because I went for a PB on my 10k route this morning. Non-Runner: I know what all those words mean individually, and I can guess at what they mean put together, but honestly I …