All posts tagged: actuallypurenonsense

Food Glorious: A List of Things I Ate Yesterday In Chronological Order

– one large cup of coffee, brewed dark and strong, then sweetened until it was as smooth and creamy as an inner thigh. – a second cup of coffee, closer in tone to the sun-burnished face of a Namibian fashion model. – a scone, fluffier than a cloud, slathered in butter, which tasted of baby laughter and a slow sunrise. – One large green juice, the colour of life and American money, that sent nutrients speeding through my veins like streams flowing into the sea. -A tupperware bowl of sweet boiled potato and a prawn and tomato stew, handmade with care by my colleague: every bite tasted like friendship and unhurried truths. -An enormous slice of birthday cake- salted caramel, from Salt Lagos– because I deserved it and it had earned my respect. -One slice of Debonairs triple decker pizza- three layers of a deliciously bad decision. I felt recklesss and free as I threw each bite down my gullet; like a dolphin frolicking along the waves of irresponsibility. -Finally, a cup of green tea;pale, …

How To Train Your Waist

Waist trainers. Kim wears them, which is, depending on how you look at the world, either an amazing endorsement or absolute deterrent to ever buying one for yourself. No one really knows why they’ve been re-branded as waist trainers when they are in fact just corsets, but there we are. In the event you’re pro-waist training in general, but anti-modern day corsets, here are some alternative ways to Train Your Waist. 1. Send your waist away to school. 2. Hire a waist nanny- preferably from one of the joyless European countries. 3. Be strict but kind to your waist so it knows it can rely on you but mustn’t ever cross you. 4. Don’t send mixed signals- ensure clear punishments follow transgressions and good deeds are rewarded. 5. Ensure your waist gets plenty of sleep and green vegetables. 6. Try avoidance therapy: when your waist gets too unruly, ignore it and/or avoid it until it stops wailing. 7. Utilise corporal punishment in small, unexpected doses. 8. Never shout at your waist; it only confuses it …