All posts filed under: Uncommon Nonsense

The Friday Fun: 20 November 2015

I would never be so bold as to tell you what to love, but these things- a shared smile, a perfectly flipped omelette, the first restful night between newly laid bedsheets, the sated stillness after a bout of raucous laughter, the mumbled ‘hey’ from a sleep-warmed lover, the first hiss-crack of good alcohol being poured on ice cubes -are all good things, things you should like and cultivate as often as possible, but particularly when the twin terrors of weekdays and work hours abate. It’s the weekend, glow growers, and here are some other good things help you get into it. This song, Sorry, by Justin Beiber who has grown up so it’s totally okay to like his music- I checked with all the relevant authorities and you’re good, I promise. This tune is a banger and impossible to listen to without dancing. Here he is doing it live, chill-style, with the Roots. 2. This ridiculously perfect quote on commitment by Anne Morris:   The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating — in …

The Friday Fun: November 13th 2015

We are very sorry to have been away from you, our dear hearts, for so long but our feelings of sorry are being completely overwhelmed by our feelings of woohoo because we are, as you can see, BACK. We are here, and so are you, and most importantly, SO IS THE WEEKEND.  Here are a few things to help you get into it. 1.This vine of the bizarrely and inexplicably delightful Corduroy Cat. Why is it made from corduroy? Don’t worry about it. What even is that song playing in the background? Scientists are certain it’s good for you, so the details are irrelevant. All you need to know is that this cat is happy, and watching it will make you happy, let’s all be happy like this cat. https://vine.co/v/eLIZBOAQTYI/embed/postcardhttps://platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js 2. These two amazing but deeply unsettling short stories (it’s Friday the 13th!) which are perfect reading material for Sunday morning alternatively that odd, empty hour on Saturday afternoon during which you know you ought to be doing something fun and cool but you’ve got …

Two Exes Run Into Each Other At The Gym

“Oh my God, hi!” “Goodness, you startled me.” “Gosh, hi! Hi. So nice to see you. You look great.” “Hang on, let me just- yeah, sorry, I’ll call you back-Hi.” “Sorry, were you on the phone?” “It’s fine. I’ll call back.” “It’s been ages though- such a long time.” “Sure, sure.’’ “Three years, three and a half actually at the end of this month.’’ “Three and a half years at the end of this month?’’ “Or something like that.’’ “Okay.” “I heard, I mean, you’re married right? That’s crazy!’’ “Is it?” “No kids yet though, right? That would be insane!’’ “Two, actually.’’ “That’s hilarious!’’ “What?’’ “Oh, you’re serious?’’ “I have two children.’’ “Oh, that’s great, that’s so great. But two?! That’s a lot…’’ “Two isn’t that many…’’ “And, they’re both, I mean you guys all live here?’’ “In Lagos? Yeah we do.’’ “I mean, you all live, like, do you live with your husband?’’ “….yes. Me, and my children and my husband. We all live together, like a normal family. Listen, I-” “That’s great. I’m …

How To Be A Person: A Non-Exhaustive List of How To Not Be That Person.

“Now, you did good today, I’m just saying that there’s a way to be a person.” – Leo McGarry, The West Wing S1E22 1. No one ever wants to hear about your dreams. 2. Only gossip about people you genuinely do not like for real reasons. So, don’t gossip about nice people you are simply jealous of because you will eventually feel like shit. But actual dicks are fair game. Have at them. 3. Tip, always. 4. Use your inside voice, no matter how cross you are. Find within yourself a terrifyingly stern voice of medium volume and employ it at will. Consider also incorporating the whispered horror of Hannibal Lecter. This will always be scarier and more effective than shouting. 5. Drive like someone you loved very much died in a car accident. It may seem morbid, but it’s a lot of people’s actual truth, and every time you suddenly change lanes without indicating, or speed like an idiot, they are looking at you and wishing you had died instead. You don’t need that …

Ab Routines, Almost-Dates and After.

I’m back in the gym. It’s hell, of course, because I hadn’t been for months before I went away and post-illness weakness is a real thing. But every day I run a little further than I ran before, and die a little less during my ab routine, so there’s hope that in about 6 months people will stop laughing at me. I go with my cousin, usually, who’s irritatingly fit and good natured. I cannot understand being cheerful in a gym. What is there to be happy about?! Every day I have to endure his reckless happiness and exhortations, his effortlessly endless reps, his kindness. That’s the worst bit. I think I’d do better with someone who called me out on my weak inefficiency, who pinched my flab and insulted me. I feel like that’s the kind of attitude that builds warriors. But he just ambles over after doing 100 pull-ups or whatever, and gently corrects my form, then says “well done!” after I’ve managed one push-up. I hate him so much. But being back in …

Food Glorious: A List of Things I Ate Yesterday In Chronological Order

– one large cup of coffee, brewed dark and strong, then sweetened until it was as smooth and creamy as an inner thigh. – a second cup of coffee, closer in tone to the sun-burnished face of a Namibian fashion model. – a scone, fluffier than a cloud, slathered in butter, which tasted of baby laughter and a slow sunrise. – One large green juice, the colour of life and American money, that sent nutrients speeding through my veins like streams flowing into the sea. -A tupperware bowl of sweet boiled potato and a prawn and tomato stew, handmade with care by my colleague: every bite tasted like friendship and unhurried truths. -An enormous slice of birthday cake- salted caramel, from Salt Lagos– because I deserved it and it had earned my respect. -One slice of Debonairs triple decker pizza- three layers of a deliciously bad decision. I felt recklesss and free as I threw each bite down my gullet; like a dolphin frolicking along the waves of irresponsibility. -Finally, a cup of green tea;pale, …

How To Be More Like: Adele

Firstly and foremostly, let us bow our heads and give thanks for Adele; for truly she is a gift, a true gift, unearned and ever giving, and lo we are blessed to receive her even in this hour of our  darkest need. Yea, though we forge onwards through roads littered with the rotting Azeleas of Igg and are drowned in copious Cyruses au Miley, we fear no gratuitous nudity, for Adele is with us. We are kept safe in the bosom of 19, 21 and 25, from whence our help comes and our succour flows- Hello, she comes from the other side to cleanse us and forever more refresh us, also. Amen. Secondly and aftmostly, I say unto thee that if thou, unworthy and tuneless, wish to become more like Adele, the She of Shes and Her of Hers (and of course you must wish this for who does not?) read these words of wisdom and be blessed. 1. Contour the hell out of your face. Adele’s natural cheekbones are probably pretty good, I guess, …

The Friday Fun: 4 September 2015

We are now officially in the tail-end of the year, guys- aka the “Ember” months, when the flames of 2015 begin their slow decline. We are also witnessing the dying throes of summer; our beloved sun is tiring, flights are getting cheaper, tans are fading and you’re allowing yourself dessert because you’ve already shown off your summer body. It’s almost over, which is unutterably sad, but don’t despair as we’re not quite there yet. There are still summer frolics to be had, flings to find, memories to create and cocktails to consume. As everything begins to wind down, I wish you one last hurrah, one more reckless night of sweat and shimmering bodies, one more drive up to the lake house, one more beach day, and one more summer kiss. It’s the weekend, sun lovers, and here are a few things to help you get into it. 1.This ultimate song of the summer, Walk The Moon’s Shut Up And Dance 2. This great photo of Rihanna, taken for Dior Mag, because she is essentially the …

The Friday Fun: 21 August 2015

Now is the time for the great unfurling, the over-long day is done. Now is the time for the slow cessation, for all is calm and won. Now is the time for peace invited, for good and right and still; now is the time for joy provided, come and take your fill.  It’s the weekend, star gazers, and here are a few things to help you get into it.  1. This great photo of Maisie Williams – FYI, this is precisely the expression I get when ‘anti-feminists’ attempt to lecture me on the ‘natural order’.   2. This brilliant comic strip (you must check out this tumblr) poking gentle fun at the melanin-deprived.    3. This equally brilliant comic by Kate Benton on the most annoying of film watching faux-pas.   4. Finally this shot of two adorable mini-creatures, because if aliens ever came to earth and needed to know what “warm and fuzzy” meant, all we’d need to do is show them this photo.     Featured image is from one of our contributors here, …

Housekeeping

Hi guys, I’m not a great writer. Most of the time, I’m not even certain that I’m any good. I make far too many typos, and I always seem to read things out there that put my own humble scribblings to shame. My first blog was also woefully inconsistent and, more often than not, struck the wrong note with the very people I was hoping to connect with. All of this is to illustrate how imperfect and undeserving I am of all the support and kindness I get from all of you. Thank you for sticking with me, despite my long absences. Thank you for the emails and messages prompting me to get back into blogging. Thank you for embracing this new site with such warmth and enthusiasm, for sharing it with your friends. Thank you, most of all, for being a such an excellent bunch of people. The new miafarradaily.com is meant to be more magazine than personal blog. We’re still new, but I hope we’ve started to build a ‘feel’ and a ‘community’ …