All posts filed under: Off With Their Heads!

Rants, short and long.

This Is How You End Up With The Wrong Guy

This is how you end up with the wrong guy. Something seismic happens- an illness, a birthday unlooked for, a birth, a change of address, dress size or your last single friend’s surname, a death in the family or the end of a thing- and it shakes you up. When the dust settles, there are cracks in you that weren’t there before and through those cracks shine the deceptive, persistent light of maybe. Maybe there is too much of me, too little of me, maybe I expected too much, gave too little. Maybe. Maybe is the invitation to a vampire, the first roll of a gambler’s dice, the first click of ice cubes against the side of an addict’s highball. Maybe is definitely a bad idea. *** Riding in on maybe comes half of what you want and all your insecurities made flesh. A tall, strapping hunk of stress, a knight in shining fuckery. His particular sin doesn’t matter- immaturity, questionable hygiene, loose concepts of loyalty and/or fidelity, a sad bank balance and professional indifference, no …

The Friday Fun: 9 June 2016

Life is fleeting, and all good things are only good because they are temporary. Revel in the contrast, because sweet wouldn’t mean a thing without bitter. It’s Friday, star gazers, and here are few things to help you get into it.   1.This happy little piece from Women’s Running on the similarities between running marathons and writing books. It’s possibly only fun for me slightly niche fun but I think it’s a great read for anyone who likes running and writing and/or anyone looking to pick one or both of these things up. There’s a refreshing clarity in committing to a thing that’s more about effort than talent. All my life I’ve been obsessed with the having and not having of talent. It’s a crippling thing,  but since I decided to just put one foot in front of another, and write one word after another, without stunting myself with questions of ‘can i? should i? am i good enough? am i allowed to do this?‘ I’ve felt cleaner and calmer than a rockpool. Check out …

The Friday Fun: 3 June 2016

What is life without anticipation? A constant bob on a calm sea, so inured to ebb and flow that even a diving dolphin or a glittering rainbow seems like just another thing. We need the ups and downs, the nods and shakes, the grunts and groans of the week, if only so we can truly bask in the joy that is a weekend. What would Saturday mean without Monday? It would be just another day, after another day and we’d all be beige. So, my colour-sergeants, prepare to glow because today is Friday, and here are few things to help you get into it.   1. This not new but so pure-Friday of a Coldplay song , Adventure of a Lifetime. I don’t know what Mr ex-Gwyneth Paltrow was thinking calling that other dirge-like song with Beyonce Hymn for A Weekend . He definitely got his titles mixed up as that one is okay but this song is a praise-and-worship masterpiece for a sunny Friday afternoon, a boozy Saturday, a lazy  Sunday and all the …

Housekeeping

Hi guys, I’m not a great writer. Most of the time, I’m not even certain that I’m any good. I make far too many typos, and I always seem to read things out there that put my own humble scribblings to shame. My first blog was also woefully inconsistent and, more often than not, struck the wrong note with the very people I was hoping to connect with. All of this is to illustrate how imperfect and undeserving I am of all the support and kindness I get from all of you. Thank you for sticking with me, despite my long absences. Thank you for the emails and messages prompting me to get back into blogging. Thank you for embracing this new site with such warmth and enthusiasm, for sharing it with your friends. Thank you, most of all, for being a such an excellent bunch of people. The new miafarradaily.com is meant to be more magazine than personal blog. We’re still new, but I hope we’ve started to build a ‘feel’ and a ‘community’ …

Boarding Pass Revolt: A Guide.

News reports have confirmed that there is no security reason for you to show your boarding pass at airport shops, and the only reason you’re compelled to do so is endless corporate greed.* The word is out, and the revolt has begun. As a person who has had her dignity stripped from her in the WH Smith at Heathrow T5, I am enraged. I doubt I am alone. Accordingly, I thought I’d compile a helpful list of things to do when asked to present your boarding pass to make sure you end up on the right side of history. Wave it in the air like a flag and say “The day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends, and show our boarding pass to enable Boots make a larger profit. But it is not this day! This day, I fight!” Hide it somewhere on your person and challenge the cashier to find it. “Is that a boarding pass in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you?” …

Amy Schumer is Not A Racist: On Good Jokes, Bad Jokes and The Wisdom To Know The Difference.

I am a creature of habit in all things, but most especially when it comes to TV. I have a few shows I love and it takes me a really long time to give a new one a chance. I make snap decisions- if you don’t get me at the pilot, it may be season 4 before I check back to see if you’ve stopped being awful. Anyway, everyone I knew and respected were getting quite embarrassingly effusive  about Inside Amy Schumer, so I decided to give it a whirl last night. I didn’t start from season 1. I knew enough about the show to know it was intensely topical, so I thought I’d save myself the faff of filtering all the jokes through the ‘current affairs’ of 2013. Instead, I decided to see what season 3 had to say for itself. Even before the opening credits of S3E1, I was won over by the brilliant, perfectly bonkers mind of the Funniest Woman Of Our Time.* I’m of course talking about the sketch on bottoms, …

Things Runners Say and All the Things Non-Runners Really Want To Say In Return

Runner: The first 20 minutes is the hardest. Non-Runner: Oh? And after that it’s just ice-cream on a hot day, is it? Just jingle bells and wrapping paper, right? Just napping on a beach and hamburgers, right? Right. Runner: Running is my me-time. I can get away from everything and just think. Non-Runner: Why can’t you do that alone in your room? Also, do you do every other activity with other people? Do you take a poo with other people? Why can’t pooing be your me-time? Runner: Nothing beats that runner’s high. Non-Runner: I don’t know, I imagine heroin gives it a run for its money. Haha. Did you see what I did there? It was a pun. A running pun. A runpun. Wow, did your endorphins also steal away your sense of humor. Runner: My hamstrings feel a little tight because I went for a PB on my 10k route this morning. Non-Runner: I know what all those words mean individually, and I can guess at what they mean put together, but honestly I …