Off With Their Heads!, Uncommon Nonsense
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Boarding Pass Revolt: A Guide.

News reports have confirmed that there is no security reason for you to show your boarding pass at airport shops, and the only reason you’re compelled to do so is endless corporate greed.* The word is out, and the revolt has begun.

As a person who has had her dignity stripped from her in the WH Smith at Heathrow T5, I am enraged. I doubt I am alone. Accordingly, I thought I’d compile a helpful list of things to do when asked to present your boarding pass to make sure you end up on the right side of history.

  1. Wave it in the air like a flag and say “The day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends, and show our boarding pass to enable Boots make a larger profit. But it is not this day! This day, I fight!”aragorn
  2. Hide it somewhere on your person and challenge the cashier to find it. “Is that a boarding pass in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you?”
  3. Eat your boarding pass. Note this may cause difficulties when it’s time to board your flight but there is no victory without sacrifice.
  4. Using a paper-clip, slit your wrists at the till then use the gushing blood to paste your boarding pass to your forehead.
  5. Say “I no speak taxscamio. Parle vous justice?” repeatedly.
  6. Kidnap the pilot of your flight and handcuff him to you. When they ask for your boarding pass, raise your joined hands and shrug sheepishly at the cashier.
  7. Laugh or cry hysterically.
  8. Tell them your dog ate it.
  9. Painstakingly tattoo the details of your boarding pass onto the torso of a small child, preferably someone else’s. Hand him/her over at the point of purchase.
  10. Climb over the till, place a gentle finger against the lips of the cashier and say “Hush darling, or I’ll have to kiss you.” then kiss the cashier.

Stay strong and fight the good fight of faith.


  1. You can’t go wrong with number 8 on the list, because dogs can draw out the tiniest drop of sympathy from the most hardened cashier…

    Liked by 1 person

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