Uncommon Nonsense
Comment 1

Millennial Poetry: Tennyson’s All Things Will Die

*read the full poem here*

Clearly the blue river chimes in its flowing

Under my eye;

(It IS a nice day. Look at that river. I never really got the fuss about rivers, because I’m a city person and rivers don’t really DO anything, but this one is nice I guess. It’s blue anyway and wet and flowing which are 3 top things for a river to do. So I’d give this river 10/10 for river-ring.)

Warmly and broadly the south winds are blowing

Over the sky.

(Blue skies, bikini weather, enough of a breeze to keep me glowing but not actually sweating…what’s not to love?  I will never say a bad word against breezes. They keep me cute, y’know?)

One after another the white clouds are fleeting;
Every heart this May morning in joyance is beating

Full merrily;

(Is joyance a word? Also, cloud watching is massively underrated. Who doesn’t love cloud watching? Especially in May- it’s been proven by science and the guy who sang My Girl that May is the happiest month. Hang on, let ‘s take a quick selfie doing happy faces… I can hashtag it #peakMay or something. )

Yet all things must die.

(That’s not a great hashtag.)

The stream will cease to flow;

(Wait- what.)

The wind will cease to blow;

(Is this some sort of emo-rap?)

The clouds will cease to fleet;

(I don’t…did I do something wrong?)

The heart will cease to beat;

(Do you want me to leave?)

For all things must die.
All things must die.
Spring will come never more.

(Is this a S.A.D thing? I had no idea real people had that! Do you need one of those special lamps? You don’t have it? Oh. Hang on- all things must die- wait a second, is this a Game of Thrones thing? Haha- it’s a Game of Thrones thing, isn’t it? Right?? Hahaha. I didn’t read the books though.)

O, vanity!
Death waits at the door.

(Mate, look, if you didn’t want me to upload that selfie you could have just said so. I mean, I thought you looked okay in it and I, personally, feel that I looked better than I’ve ever looked because I’ve finally gotten to the sweet side of gaunt where I have angular collarbones but I don’t actually look angular…. but it’s fine I guess, it’s really not that big a deal. I’ll take it down.)

See! our friends are all forsaking
The wine and the merrymaking.

(Oh, they’re just doing a juice cleanse! I told you about that, but you were like “that which we are, we are” so I figured you didn’t want to get involved. They’ll be done in 24 days, then it’s back to #summertimemadness , amIrite? )

We are call’d–we must go.

Laid low, very low,
In the dark we must lie.

(Ooo-kay. Look, we’ve been friends for years now, and I get this is clearly a bad day for you and I’ll see what filters I can use on that selfie, but why are we lying under a bush and WHY DID YOU PUT MY PHONE ON AIRPLANE MODE? Not cool, Alfred.)

The merry glees are still;
The voice of the bird
Shall no more be heard,
Nor the wind on the hill.

(I told you already- they’re just mid- juice cleanse. See?  Anna has already set up a Facebook party for her post-juice body reveal and JJ says his Twitter hiatus will be over in a week. )

O, misery!

(Jesus- are you crying?)

Hark! death is calling
While I speak to ye,
The jaw is falling,
The red cheek paling,
The strong limbs failing;
Ice with the warm blood mixing;
The eyeballs fixing.
Nine times goes the passing bell:

(NOW I GET IT! You don’t look that old! You could easily pass for early 30s, especially if you juice more. And maybe try something else with your hair- it’s a bit 90s boyband. And yoga. You can even do face yoga now- did you know that? So cool. It like, totally rebuilds your face-chakra or something. I’ll google it. Also, look, before we take it down,  let me play around with some filters on that selfie and you’ll look like Kendall Jenner. I promise! No? Okay, okay. Look, I get it, but like, what  if I put it on Instagram, instead of Facebook, and then if we don’t get more than 9 likes, I’ll take it down. No? Come on! I look amazing!)

Ye merry souls, farewell.
The old earth
Had a birth,
As all men know,
Long ago.

(Firstly, there is absolutely no need to delete your Facebook. We’ve all had bad photos- calm down. Secondly, I’m more of Big Bang believer myself but I respect your religious freedom, you know that. Now, what do you think of this filter?)

And the old earth must die.

(Yeah, global warming *is* kind of scary…Okay, now I’ve cropped out your double chin, and I got rid of that weird sepia thing your skin was doing, so you look super cute!)

So let the warm winds range,
And the blue wave beat the shore;
For even and morn
Ye will never see
Thro’ eternity.
All things were born.
Ye will come never more,
For all things must die.

(I’m definitely making an appointment for you with my therapist. And getting you a 7 day reboot juice cleanse and face-yoga package. So…about that selfie? Do I really have to take it down or can I just crop you out of it?)

1 Comment

  1. Pingback: The Friday Fun: 3 July 2015 | miafarradaily

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