Uncommon Nonsense
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How To Train Your Waist

Waist trainers.

Kim wears them, which is, depending on how you look at the world, either an amazing endorsement or absolute deterrent to ever buying one for yourself. No one really knows why they’ve been re-branded as waist trainers when they are in fact just corsets, but there we are.

In the event you’re pro-waist training in general, but anti-modern day corsets, here are some alternative ways to Train Your Waist.

1. Send your waist away to school.

2. Hire a waist nanny- preferably from one of the joyless European countries.

3. Be strict but kind to your waist so it knows it can rely on you but mustn’t ever cross you.

4. Don’t send mixed signals- ensure clear punishments follow transgressions and good deeds are rewarded.

5. Ensure your waist gets plenty of sleep and green vegetables.

6. Try avoidance therapy: when your waist gets too unruly, ignore it and/or avoid it until it stops wailing.

7. Utilise corporal punishment in small, unexpected doses.

8. Never shout at your waist; it only confuses it and makes it more likely to rebel. Use firm, strong words instead and domineering body language.

9. Take your waist on regular walks and enlightening cultural activities to show it that there are pleasures in life available to well-behaved waists.

10. Pinch your waist every half hour for 10 seconds just because you can, and to remind it that you’re the boss.

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