Non-Runner: Oh? And after that it’s just ice-cream on a hot day, is it? Just jingle bells and wrapping paper, right? Just napping on a beach and hamburgers, right? Right.
Runner: Running is my me-time. I can get away from everything and just think.
Non-Runner: Why can’t you do that alone in your room? Also, do you do every other activity with other people? Do you take a poo with other people? Why can’t pooing be your me-time?
Runner: Nothing beats that runner’s high.
Non-Runner: I don’t know, I imagine heroin gives it a run for its money. Haha. Did you see what I did there? It was a pun. A running pun. A runpun. Wow, did your endorphins also steal away your sense of humor.
Runner: My hamstrings feel a little tight because I went for a PB on my 10k route this morning.
Non-Runner: I know what all those words mean individually, and I can guess at what they mean put together, but honestly I don’t care enough to try.
Runner: Fartlek has increased my speed dramatically! I love it.
Non-Runner: Is Fartlek something you can get at Ikea? Why is your speed important? Are you an Olympian? Are you an ancient hunter-gather trying to get home with your felled elk before the dinosaurs come out to feed?
Runner: This would be a great song to run to!
Non-Runner: This would be a great song to listen to while sitting down, alternatively dance to while very drunk, is what you mean.
Runner: Hill runs are the best for building endurance!
Non-Runner: Sex endurance? Oh wow, maybe I should-No? Oh. You mean endurance, as in running in a non-life threatening scenario for longer than you did last time? Is that a thing that people care about?
Runner: I love running to work. It just starts my day off right.
Non-Runner: That’s so interesting but have you heard of coffee?
Runner: I need to fuel my body for my run later.
Non-Runner: Are you a car.
Runner: I’ve done 11 half marathons, 4 full marathons, working up to 10 marathons in 10 days next month, and a couple of triathalons later in the year.
Non-Runner: Why? I mean, for real, for real, why? No one is paying you right? Why? Seriously. No, I mean, like, seriously, why?
Runner: I have to run in natural fibers, they wick away my sweat better.